The Myth of Marriage

The Myth of Marriage could be devastating if we believe in it to much. Naturally there are high expectations when we are committed to love each other forever no matter what happens. There may be good if we have had the chance to meet some challenges together prior to the marriage. Every relation has its ups and downs and we have all different ways to react. If we have been able to settle things in a good way and understand each other, it will increase the chanses for a happy marriage. Nobody´s perfect but through a lovers eye we are all divine in some way.

With Love

Part of the difficulty with marriage is that the only training we get is “on the job.” Rarely do you say to someone, “I want you to go work with those tools in there. Have fun, get the job done, and don’t kill yourself.” But, essentially, that is the start of a marriage. We have some rudimentary skills from relating to others, but the real knowledge and skills are hard-earned.

And the problem is, sometimes we learn lessons that are incorrect, or at least only partially true. These become the myths of our marriages. They are the stories we tell to ourselves in attempts to understand. Unfortunately, they are only partially right, at best. Often, they are totally wrong. Once we learn the stories, we refuse to give them up.

I’ve chosen 5 of the most common myths of marriage. You can decide if you tell yourself these stories, and if so, what you might be missing. Because, you see, the stories we tell ourselves determine how we act and what we assume. And that, ultimately, can either teach you to use the tools or allow you to injure yourself.

MYTH: “Marriage shouldn’t be this hard.” Lie this leads to: “If it is, maybe we shouldn’t be married.”

This is a powerful story about marriage. People assume that good marriages are easy, and there is no struggle. There is the romantic belief that good relationships “just work.” Science has yet to discover a perpetual energy machine, and I doubt relationships are any different.

This summer, I was at a beach that hosts the annual sea turtle nesting. The large mother sea turtle lumbers up the beach, just above the high-tide mark, right at the base of the sand dunes, digs a hole some 18 inches into the ground, and lays a large group of eggs. Those eggs are left to develop and hatch, usually a couple of months later.

Now, here’s the interesting thing: those tiny turtles (maybe 3 inches long) have to make the long trek from the nest to the sea. The long trek for the mother turtle is very long for the baby turtle. Some people have felt bad for the turtles in the past, and decided to help them to the surf.

By being picked up and carried to the surf, the “helpers” insured the death of the baby turtles. You see, that long trek to the sea builds the muscles in the flippers of the baby turtle. Those muscles are all that ensure the survival of the babies.

Some struggle (not too much) is necessary for developing the muscles of survival. It is true with relationships, and certainly true with marriage. When we struggle together, we develop the skills necessary to take on other struggles.

The real task is not to have a marriage that is easy. The real task is to learn how to allow the struggle to move you together, not push you apart. The statistics are pretty clear. Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. However, the hidden statistic is that 100% of marriages have difficulties. Staying married is not from a lack of difficulties, it is from using the difficulties to learn and develop.

Click To Start Saving Your Marriage

The Myth of Marriage

The Myth of Marriage could be devastating if we believe in it to much. Naturally there are high expectations when we are committed to love each other forever no matter what happens. There may be good if we have had the chance to meet some challenges together prior to the marriage. Every relation has its ups and downs and we have all different ways to react. If we have been able to settle things in a good way and understand each other, it will increase the chanses for a happy marriage. Nobody´s perfect but through a lovers eye we are all divine in some way.

With Love

Part of the difficulty with marriage is that the only training we get is “on the job.” Rarely do you say to someone, “I want you to go work with those tools in there. Have fun, get the job done, and don’t kill yourself.” But, essentially, that is the start of a marriage. We have some rudimentary skills from relating to others, but the real knowledge and skills are hard-earned.

And the problem is, sometimes we learn lessons that are incorrect, or at least only partially true. These become the myths of our marriages. They are the stories we tell to ourselves in attempts to understand. Unfortunately, they are only partially right, at best. Often, they are totally wrong. Once we learn the stories, we refuse to give them up.

I’ve chosen 5 of the most common myths of marriage. You can decide if you tell yourself these stories, and if so, what you might be missing. Because, you see, the stories we tell ourselves determine how we act and what we assume. And that, ultimately, can either teach you to use the tools or allow you to injure yourself.

MYTH: “Marriage shouldn’t be this hard.” Lie this leads to: “If it is, maybe we shouldn’t be married.”

This is a powerful story about marriage. People assume that good marriages are easy, and there is no struggle. There is the romantic belief that good relationships “just work.” Science has yet to discover a perpetual energy machine, and I doubt relationships are any different.

This summer, I was at a beach that hosts the annual sea turtle nesting. The large mother sea turtle lumbers up the beach, just above the high-tide mark, right at the base of the sand dunes, digs a hole some 18 inches into the ground, and lays a large group of eggs. Those eggs are left to develop and hatch, usually a couple of months later.

Now, here’s the interesting thing: those tiny turtles (maybe 3 inches long) have to make the long trek from the nest to the sea. The long trek for the mother turtle is very long for the baby turtle. Some people have felt bad for the turtles in the past, and decided to help them to the surf.

By being picked up and carried to the surf, the “helpers” insured the death of the baby turtles. You see, that long trek to the sea builds the muscles in the flippers of the baby turtle. Those muscles are all that ensure the survival of the babies.

Some struggle (not too much) is necessary for developing the muscles of survival. It is true with relationships, and certainly true with marriage. When we struggle together, we develop the skills necessary to take on other struggles.

The real task is not to have a marriage that is easy. The real task is to learn how to allow the struggle to move you together, not push you apart. The statistics are pretty clear. Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. However, the hidden statistic is that 100% of marriages have difficulties. Staying married is not from a lack of difficulties, it is from using the difficulties to learn and develop.

Click To Start Saving Your Marriage

How To Save Your Marriage Now

Todays article  How To Save Your Marriage will be the first in a serie about saving your marriage which is a burning question for so many people that are in urgent need of professional help and advice. I have been in this stressful situation myself and i remember one thing i had in my mind to calm things down: I always take at least 50% of the responsibility for the situation and it is not about to find a scapegoat to blame instead it is about to be able to sort things out and tell the difference between actual events and the emotional overload they has caused. That emotional overload can as well has its roots in many other things that are affecting us and make us more vulnerable. One more thing i often think about is how different we see and perceive things. We all do have our own unique way of seeing our world. If you ask two independent persons about the same event you will often hear two totally different stories.  It is not about  right or wrong because our way of perceiving things differ. You will often find what we call the thruth in the middle. So read on and take care of yourself and your marriage.

Best Wishes

Each year in America alone, nearly 1 million marriages end in divorce.This is an incredible number! That would be as if all the citizens of Houston Texas were divorced (each divorce leaves 2 people).

The question is how many of those marriages could be saved. Unfortunately, that is an invisible number. If your marriage stays together, it is hard to find in the statistics. As Marian Wright Edelman wrote, statistics are stories with the tears washed off.

Can your marriage be saved? If I could answer that, I would be a wealthy man. I can tell you that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do something, there is a much better chance that your marriage will be saved.

And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you can do to save your marriage. You can start right now. But you must understand that I said “simple.” That is not the same as “easy.” These steps are not easy. They do, however, give you a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage in trouble.

Here are the 4 steps:

1) Quit the blame game. Stop blaming your spouse and stop blaming yourself. This is the first step because marriages get frozen into a pattern of blame that immobilizes any prospect of progress. Instead, the momentum gets dragged down and down.

Blame is our way of avoiding seeing ourselves clearly. It is much easier to point the finger somewhere and say “It’s their fault.” But in marriage, you can just as easily turn that pointing finger on yourself and place the blame there, saying “it’s all my fault.”

Unfortunately, blame feels good in the short-term, but in the long-term, it prevents any shift or change. So, even if you can make a long list of why you or your spouse should be blamed, forget it. Even if that list is factual, it will not help you put your marriage back together. Blame is the fuel of divorces.

2) Take responsibility. Decide you can do something. Change always begins with one person who wants to see a change. Understand that taking responsibility is not the same as taking the blame (see above).

Instead, blame is saying “regardless of who is at fault, there are some things I can do differently, and I am going to do them.” What buttons do you allow your spouse to push? What buttons do you push with your spouse? Decide not to allow those buttons to be pushed and stop pushing the buttons.

What amazes me in my counseling is that everyone knows what they should be doing or not doing. But it is difficult to move in that direction. Don’t be caught in that. Decide that you will take action.

The difference between blame and responsibility is this: if I am in a burning building, I can stand around trying to figure out who started the blaze, why it has spread so quickly, and who I am going to sue when it is over (blame), or I can get myself and anyone else I can out of that building (taking responsibility). When a marriage is in trouble, the house is on fire. How will you take action to save the marriage?

3) Get resources from experts. If others have been helped, you can be, too. Experts with a great deal more perspective and experience can be a real help in these situations. Do your research and divide the useless from the useful, then take advantage of the useful.

Don’t assume that your situation is so different from every other situation. I can tell you that after 20-some years of providing therapy, not too much new comes through my doors. Don’t get me wrong; the story changes, but the dynamics are the same.

Remember what Albert Einstein said, “The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.” In other words, what got you into trouble will not get you out of trouble. That requires a whole new level of thinking. And that is what you get from an outside expert, someone with a fresh perspective.

4) Take action. More damage is done by doing nothing by taking a misstep. It is too easy to get paralyzed by the situation. Therapists often talk about “analysis paralysis.” This occurs when people get so caught up in their churning thoughts and attempts to “figure things out” that they never take action.

It is not enough to simply understand what is causing the problem. You must then act! On a daily basis, I find people coming to my office with the belief that if they can just understand their problem, it will resolve itself. That simply does not happen. Resolution of the situation takes action.

Will your marriage be saved? If you follow my suggestions, you have infinitely more opportunity for saving your marriage than if you do nothing. Marriage is one of those places where it takes two to make it work, but only one to really mess things up. You can only do your part, but many times, that is enough. Resolve not to ask the question but to begin to act.

Are you ready to take action? Grab the best-selling resource on the internet for saving marriages: Save The Marriage, Even If Only You Want It! You can find it at http://www.SaveTheMarriage.com

Don’t take my word for it…

A small sample of what others have said about this system…

What Others Are Saying: (Just a few of the hundreds of notes provided to us, all telling us the same thing, that while individual results vary, This Material Works!)“A terrific resource…”“I have been reading the first few sections and am very relieved to find such a terrific resource……It really fits with the direction I’ve been taking, personally and with clients.” -Sally F., Therapist “A dramatic turn around!” “What a dramatic turn around! Our relationship is 180 degrees reversed and moving in the RIGHT direction! Thank you so much!” -Nancy T. “Radically different…I finally have hope..” “My marriage has been in trouble for years. I’ve read other books. . . your ideas are radically different from the others. I’ve never read anything like it. Now, things are improving. I finally have hope!” -Brad R. “I am amazed…a whole new outlook…” “I sat and read your modules last night. I read from about 7pm to 12am. I am amazed! After reading, I have a whole new outlook on our marriage. After reading, I am prepared to make the necessary changes and shifts in order to have the marriage I’ve always wanted.” -Mary Beth M. “Wow…convinced in the very first chapter…” “I recently purchased your package, Save The Marriage, and spent the last week reading it. I don’t know how to express how I feel about it other than to just say, “Wow!”……I was convinced within the very first section as I could see the truth of it in my own life and relationship…” -Anthony J. “My relationship is much better…” “For the record… let me just say that your guide is the most sensible, real, self help book of any kind that I have ever read… …These things that you talk about in your book are real, so simple—THEY JUST MAKE SENSE… My relationship with my husband has gotten so much better !! thank you, thank you thank you” -Robin R. “He actually left…” “I’m 41 years old and my husband has recently told me that he wanted out of the marriage and he actually left a few days later, after 21 years of marriage… …After the initial shock wore off and I was able to think straight…I purchased your system…. …I was able to persuade him to give me and the marriage another chance… …I had to wing it with only your strategies in my head… …Many, many thanks for your resources…” -Georgia (Actual customer comments. NOTE: Results may vary.) READ MORE COMMENTS BY CLICKING HERE

How To Save Your Marriage Now

Todays article  How To Save Your Marriage will be the first in a serie about saving your marriage which is a burning question for so many people that are in urgent need of professional help and advice. I have been in this stressful situation myself and i remember one thing i had in my mind to calm things down: I always take at least 50% of the responsibility for the situation and it is not about to find a scapegoat to blame instead it is about to be able to sort things out and tell the difference between actual events and the emotional overload they has caused. That emotional overload can as well has its roots in many other things that are affecting us and make us more vulnerable. One more thing i often think about is how different we see and perceive things. We all do have our own unique way of seeing our world. If you ask two independent persons about the same event you will often hear two totally different stories.  It is not about  right or wrong because our way of perceiving things differ. You will often find what we call the thruth in the middle. So read on and take care of yourself and your marriage.

Best Wishes

Each year in America alone, nearly 1 million marriages end in divorce.This is an incredible number! That would be as if all the citizens of Houston Texas were divorced (each divorce leaves 2 people).

The question is how many of those marriages could be saved. Unfortunately, that is an invisible number. If your marriage stays together, it is hard to find in the statistics. As Marian Wright Edelman wrote, statistics are stories with the tears washed off.

Can your marriage be saved? If I could answer that, I would be a wealthy man. I can tell you that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do something, there is a much better chance that your marriage will be saved.

And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you can do to save your marriage. You can start right now. But you must understand that I said “simple.” That is not the same as “easy.” These steps are not easy. They do, however, give you a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage in trouble.

Here are the 4 steps:

1) Quit the blame game. Stop blaming your spouse and stop blaming yourself. This is the first step because marriages get frozen into a pattern of blame that immobilizes any prospect of progress. Instead, the momentum gets dragged down and down.

Blame is our way of avoiding seeing ourselves clearly. It is much easier to point the finger somewhere and say “It’s their fault.” But in marriage, you can just as easily turn that pointing finger on yourself and place the blame there, saying “it’s all my fault.”

Unfortunately, blame feels good in the short-term, but in the long-term, it prevents any shift or change. So, even if you can make a long list of why you or your spouse should be blamed, forget it. Even if that list is factual, it will not help you put your marriage back together. Blame is the fuel of divorces.

2) Take responsibility. Decide you can do something. Change always begins with one person who wants to see a change. Understand that taking responsibility is not the same as taking the blame (see above).

Instead, blame is saying “regardless of who is at fault, there are some things I can do differently, and I am going to do them.” What buttons do you allow your spouse to push? What buttons do you push with your spouse? Decide not to allow those buttons to be pushed and stop pushing the buttons.

What amazes me in my counseling is that everyone knows what they should be doing or not doing. But it is difficult to move in that direction. Don’t be caught in that. Decide that you will take action.

The difference between blame and responsibility is this: if I am in a burning building, I can stand around trying to figure out who started the blaze, why it has spread so quickly, and who I am going to sue when it is over (blame), or I can get myself and anyone else I can out of that building (taking responsibility). When a marriage is in trouble, the house is on fire. How will you take action to save the marriage?

3) Get resources from experts. If others have been helped, you can be, too. Experts with a great deal more perspective and experience can be a real help in these situations. Do your research and divide the useless from the useful, then take advantage of the useful.

Don’t assume that your situation is so different from every other situation. I can tell you that after 20-some years of providing therapy, not too much new comes through my doors. Don’t get me wrong; the story changes, but the dynamics are the same.

Remember what Albert Einstein said, “The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.” In other words, what got you into trouble will not get you out of trouble. That requires a whole new level of thinking. And that is what you get from an outside expert, someone with a fresh perspective.

4) Take action. More damage is done by doing nothing by taking a misstep. It is too easy to get paralyzed by the situation. Therapists often talk about “analysis paralysis.” This occurs when people get so caught up in their churning thoughts and attempts to “figure things out” that they never take action.

It is not enough to simply understand what is causing the problem. You must then act! On a daily basis, I find people coming to my office with the belief that if they can just understand their problem, it will resolve itself. That simply does not happen. Resolution of the situation takes action.

Will your marriage be saved? If you follow my suggestions, you have infinitely more opportunity for saving your marriage than if you do nothing. Marriage is one of those places where it takes two to make it work, but only one to really mess things up. You can only do your part, but many times, that is enough. Resolve not to ask the question but to begin to act.

Are you ready to take action? Grab the best-selling resource on the internet for saving marriages: Save The Marriage, Even If Only You Want It! You can find it at http://www.SaveTheMarriage.com

Don’t take my word for it…

A small sample of what others have said about this system…

What Others Are Saying: (Just a few of the hundreds of notes provided to us, all telling us the same thing, that while individual results vary, This Material Works!)“A terrific resource…”“I have been reading the first few sections and am very relieved to find such a terrific resource……It really fits with the direction I’ve been taking, personally and with clients.” -Sally F., Therapist “A dramatic turn around!” “What a dramatic turn around! Our relationship is 180 degrees reversed and moving in the RIGHT direction! Thank you so much!” -Nancy T. “Radically different…I finally have hope..” “My marriage has been in trouble for years. I’ve read other books. . . your ideas are radically different from the others. I’ve never read anything like it. Now, things are improving. I finally have hope!” -Brad R. “I am amazed…a whole new outlook…” “I sat and read your modules last night. I read from about 7pm to 12am. I am amazed! After reading, I have a whole new outlook on our marriage. After reading, I am prepared to make the necessary changes and shifts in order to have the marriage I’ve always wanted.” -Mary Beth M. “Wow…convinced in the very first chapter…” “I recently purchased your package, Save The Marriage, and spent the last week reading it. I don’t know how to express how I feel about it other than to just say, “Wow!”……I was convinced within the very first section as I could see the truth of it in my own life and relationship…” -Anthony J. “My relationship is much better…” “For the record… let me just say that your guide is the most sensible, real, self help book of any kind that I have ever read… …These things that you talk about in your book are real, so simple—THEY JUST MAKE SENSE… My relationship with my husband has gotten so much better !! thank you, thank you thank you” -Robin R. “He actually left…” “I’m 41 years old and my husband has recently told me that he wanted out of the marriage and he actually left a few days later, after 21 years of marriage… …After the initial shock wore off and I was able to think straight…I purchased your system…. …I was able to persuade him to give me and the marriage another chance… …I had to wing it with only your strategies in my head… …Many, many thanks for your resources…” -Georgia (Actual customer comments. NOTE: Results may vary.) READ MORE COMMENTS BY CLICKING HERE