Let’s face it: casual sex is everywhere. Sitcoms on television glorify the idea of sleeping with the boyfriend/girlfriend of the week, fiction books glamorize affairs and one-night stands, musicians pen ballads about the wonders of relationships based on physical attraction.
Sex between consenting adults is perfectly accepted in society, until it happens between your spouse and another consenting adult. Suddenly that barroom pick-up line song takes on a whole new meaning when confronted with the reality that your spouse picked someone else up and took them home for their own episode of casual sex. Sex is (and should be) a sacred part of marriage.
Imagine if these were the vows during a wedding ceremony:
"I, (insert name), take you (spouse’s name) to be my lawfully wedded wife. I promise to love you, and cherish you, and will be faithful to you until I find someone more attractive. Then, I will probably have sex with them, but will still love you and cherish you. I may find someone else that I want to have sex with but don’t worry. You’re the most important one in my life."
No one would sign up for that kind of deal!
While study after study shows that a lack of sex is not the only reason a person cheats, it is definitely a factor in an affair. It is with good reason that a proactive approach to warding off an affair includes an active sex life: sex is important (not to mention fun).
Make sex a priority in your relationship. One woman, whose mom was trying to be helpful before her daughter’s wedding, told her to always have a load of laundry nearby that needs to be done. The implication being that if you can have an excuse to get out of sex, you should take it.
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| Sex and Fidelity |
That kind of thinking is what helps to set the stage for infidelity later. Regardless of your sex life (or lack thereof) it’s never your fault if your spouse cheats. However, you stack the odds in your favor if the issue of sex is never an issue.
While we will leave the particulars of your sex life to you, there are a few pieces of advice we will give:
• More is better. Some couples commit to being intimate every day for a year. Some choose a shorter amount of time as a means to strengthen the marital bond. Talk together with your spouse and see if this is something that would be helpful in your relationship.
• Variety is nice. Try something new – a new location, a new position, a new outfit. You don’t have to go any shades of gray to have a sex life that is varied and exciting.
• Talking is good. Communication is a key component in a relationship – and is equally important within your sex life. Talk/text/email about how you’re looking forward to date night, how much your intimacy the night before meant to you, about how you got a new outfit that you can’t wait for him to see in bed tonight.
Sex is a powerful tool in your relationship – use it as a tool for good.
Men really do have simple needs when it comes to relationships. Despite their resistance to change, men have adapted well to the falling away from "love, honor, and obey" (mostly the obey part of that to be honest) as the commandment of all things relationship. However, that doesn't imply that they don't have needs of their own that must be addressed in order for them to remain happy in their marriages. In fact, men have very strong needs - though he'll likely never explain them to you. There are three overriding needs, though, that every girl needs to understand and meet in order to have a truly happy relationship with the man she loves.
1) Show Him Respect
You don't have to bow down before him or anything like that. You don't even need to defer to him, although, at the proper moments in the relationship this can really stroke his ego and make him fall even harder in love with you. The main ways to show respect are in how you interact. Don't talk down to him. Don't make him feel inferior. And for goodness sakes, avoid criticism -- especially in the form of nagging -- at all costs. This makes him feel as though you're looking down on him and lack respect for him. It leads to "greener grass syndrome" and other negative feelings about you and your relationship.
It's hard ladies, to get him to do what you want sometimes. That's usually a sign that he really doesn't want to do the job - whatever the job may be. So, you have three choices that don't involve nagging. Make him an offer that makes it worth his while to get the chore done by a specific time or date, do it yourself without holding a grudge (which may be easier said than done), or hire someone else to do it for the sake of the relationship. Even when money is tight, it's sometimes better to pay someone else to do the jobs neither of you are willing to do, but both want done. The respect you're both able to maintain for each other by doing this is worth its weight in gold.
2) Admiration
Think long and hard. When was the first time you paid your handsome man a compliment? How about flirting? Do you engage in a little active flirting when you're out in public, riding in the car, through text messages at the office? When was the last time you let him know that you still think he rocks his Levi's? Little things like this make a huge difference to the man in your life and in your relationship.
3) Loyalty
Never let him doubt your loyalty. There's no bigger relationship killer for men than this. Don't flirt with his best friend - or anyone else for that matter - in an attempt to make him jealous. It will backfire on you every time. Don't let him overhear you talking negatively about him around the girls. Show loyalty at all times and you can expect to receive the same kind of loyalty from him in return.
Don't believe me? Try it out and see how quickly things change between you - for the better.
